THERE YOU ARE
Life’s looking great from the outside, but on the inside things don’t feel nearly as good.
You got the degrees, the jobs, the promotions.
The car, the house and the great holidays.
And yet, on the inside it feels as if there’s a secret war raging.
Always something to criticize yourself for.
Always something that was too much or not enough.
High expectations. And so often the feeling of falling short.
Worrying about what other people will think about you.
Worrying about what they actually said – even when you were the one seeking out their feedback.
And that doesn’t feel good – at all.
You rationally know that you are smart. And talented. And capable of doing big things in the world.
Yet, most of the time, it doesn’t FEEL that way.
And while so far you’ve been pushing yourself past that inner turmoil
to great achievements and big results
(though you’d be the first to dismiss those as not a big deal),
it gets harder + harder to keep that up.
You feel drained and exhausted – so much more often than you’d like.
You find yourself doubting and second-guessing yourself – even on the simple things that should not be such a big deal at all.
You find yourself holding back from leading that project, or speaking up in those high profile meetings.
You see others – who are NOT smarter or more capable than you – dominate meetings, get asked to lead big projects, getting promoted and consulted in workgroups.
You dread the question “how’s work?”.
Because you feel as if you should be farther ahead by now, and are letting yourself (and your parents) down.
While others seem to be cruising along – always so confident and sure of themselves.
You tried working harder, smarter to do lists + better time management systems and micro-planning.
To beat the overwhelm and anxiety that pop up more often than it used to – but nothing seems to work.
(And to your despair, you find yourself procrastinating + mindlessly browsing the web, skipping meet-ups with friends, going to the gym and eating healthy.)
You read more books than you can count + took dozens of “this is what I’m meant do with my life” quizzes.
Yet your head’s still spinning with questions and doubts. (And that makes you feel lost and confused.)
You downloaded every “7 steps to feel more confident in the blink of an eye” and “3 secrets to deal with criticism” report you could find.
Yet you still find yourself feeling more insecure than you’d like to admit.
(And that makes you worry and doubt yourself even more – if you’re so smart, why can’t you just apply what you’ve learned?)
You find yourself rereading that same email or that one report a thousand times to make sure it’s perfect and no-one can find something to criticize you for.
(And yet, they still have questions you didn’t anticipate or ask you to turn that presentation upside down, which only adds work to your plate, pressure on yourself and the nagging feeling that you failed).
You’re worried that they all be talking behind your back about how they misjudged you and how you are so much less capable than they thought you were.
You worry that your reputation is down the drain and that you’re jeopardizing your career.
You work hard to do things even more meticulously, making sure you say and do the right thing at the right time.
You get secretly mad at the people around you, even though you keep that neatly hidden behind a big “I’m fine, I got this” smile.
But on the inside the resentment and frustration are growing – can’t they see how hard you’re working to keep everybody happy? can’t they appreciate the effort you’re putting in?
You get snappy when you get home – and then you feel guilty about being so unreasonable.
You think a new job might be the solution, but you’re not one to quit when things get hard.
And also, you’re not sure what you really want.
(Plus, just the thought of going through the whole interview and assessment process makes you feel exhausted.)
You feel as if you are living life with the brakes on, trapped in a life that once seemed to make total sense and now feels draining and suffocating.
And that leaves you puzzled because why did things stop working all of a sudden?
You know you are capable of so much more than what you’re doing right now.
It feels as if there’s so much potential that’s not coming out.
And no matter how hard you try, nothing seems to work.
And that feels so frustrating.
And has you secretly wonder – is there something wrong with me?!
Now let me reassure you - you are most definitely NOT the only one feeling this way.
The truth is – most of us keep our worries, doubts + fears
neatly hidden behind a polished,
curated version of ourselves.
And oh yeah – there is most definitely NOTHING wrong with you –
that’s just a crappy lie that your brain tells yourself.
How do I know?
Well, first of all – been there, done that!
But also, I see the same thing pop up with all the clients I work with – all talented, smart, creative, resourceful and driven professionals.
And all somehow – seemingly inexplicably – undervaluing themselves, what they are capable of + what is possible for them.
And all working hard to live out the expectations and priorities that others have for them, reflected in daily todos, goals + priorities, and career choices.
All gorgeous round pegs, working so hard to become the square peg to fit into the square hole.
So that in the end, NO-ONE’s truly genuinely happy, nor genuinely helped.
And I used to be one of the hardest working round pegs out there,
relentlessly trying to be the “good girl” and
be the square peg I thought I was supposed to be
in order to be happy and successful in life.
I would be the one who liked the music others liked or read the books they loved.
I would be the one who took up running – not because it was fun, but because everyone was doing it. And I felt like I should too.
I would be the one to pick out a restaurant I thought the others wanted to dine at – even though I got the question “where do YOU wanna go eat tonight?”
I would be the one to become an engineer – because I was good at math and it seemed the logical thing to do.
I would be the one to scribble down “psychology” as another option – only to never seriously consider it because “too silly”.
I would be the one to dress like plane Jane – anything to not draw attention to me.
I would be the one to talk for hours about say, collecting stamps, and pretend to like it too – because then you’d like me too.
I would be the one to miss the bus – because I didn’t want to look silly running for the bus, only to see it drive away just as I was almost there.
I would worry about what others would think of me – and scan their every move for signs of approval or disapproval.
I would worry about saying and doing the wrong thing – and be quiet and bland as a result.
Turns out that THAT was NOT an effective strategy to be happy and successful in life – not by a long shot.
I got the degree – but didn’t feel more confident.
I got the job – but didn’t feel more confident.
I got the apartment – but didn’t feel more confident.
On paper things looked great, and I seemingly did all the right things.
I worked hard at being a perfect, polished version of who I thought I needed to be.
Yet none of these things made me feel more confident about myself.
My career stalled.
I was overworked and not fulfilled by the things I did.
I made long days and was always afraid to get things wrong.
I would feel drained from worrying about their feedback – even before they actually gave it to me.
And today, you ask?
Well, I’m proudly the round peg – doing things my way.
I shifted gears in my corporate job – gradually pivoting as I got more in tune with myself.
I said no to leading a project – because it didn’t fit with my values and what was important to me.
I took a sabbatical at that same job – because it was what I needed right then.
I took tons of trainings on psychology, leadership and change – even though I had to work my way through tons of resistance from myself + some people near and dear to my heart.
I took up photography and painting – even though I felt out of place as a non-creative. Best decisions ever.
I stopped running – and went for “boring” hiking instead, no apologies.
I started my own confidence & career coaching practice – on the side, because that allows me to enjoy both my corporate work and my business work.
I wear clothes that are outspoken, with statement blacks or bold blues + flashy fuchsias – the days of plane Jane are long gone.
I have songs from Michael Bublé, Prince, MGMT, Bruno Mars, Adele, David Guetta, The White Stripes and Queens of the Stone Age on my iPhone – an eclectic mix that feels totally on point to me.
I feel so much more grounded, confident and fulfilled today.
Even when I screw up, things go wrong, or I make a fool of myself.
Even when people don’t agree, don’t understand or judge me.
So what created that change?
Not my achievements along the way.
Not the worries, doubts and fears that all of a sudden went away.
Not falling seriously ill.
Not compliments or shout-outs from others along the way.
Not the stars that magically aligned.
I discovered thought work.
I learned how to manage my mind.
I studied how the brain works.
I discovered the principle of tiny action-taking for massive results.
I applied what I learned consistently.
THAT’s what created the change.
And that’s what I teach too.
Let me introduce you to The Confidence-Killer Cocktail
THE recipe for undermining yourself,
selling yourself short + holding yourself back,
DESPITE your best intentions, ambitions + drive.
The Wiring of Your Human Brain
– its built-in alertness for detecting danger
– its built-in desire for connection
– its desire to create habits, EVEN unproductive ones! (hello, worry loops, procrastination + FB checking!)
– its desire to avoid short term pain (like postponing difficult conversations or work we really should be doing)
– its desire to seek short term pleasure (hello, lying on the couch instead of going to the gym)
Even though vital to our survival, this BUILT-IN WIRING from our survival-focused brain is not always most helpful in our modern world.
And so I teach you how to engage another part of our brain, the pre-frontal cortex, to override your counter-productive default tendencies for the ones that actually help you to create the long-term results you want.
+ The Mile-High Standards You Set
– your rules for what you should + can’t do
– your rules for what others should + can’t do
– your goal of perfection, being flawless and comment-proof, in a world were you can + should make everyone like you
– your goal to be happy 100% of the time
– your goal to be on top of things all of the time – no confusion, no worries, no doubts no fears, no screw-ups
These rules and expectations become LEARNED WIRING in your brain, the lens through which you see the world and yourself.
They drive how you feel.
They drive what you do + don’t do in life.
They drive how you talk to other people, what you say or don’t say.
They divide the world in a right or wrong way of being or doing things.
They are the measuring stick you use to evaluate yourself and your value – with one simple rule: not attaining that standard = you failed.
I teach you how to identify the precise, unintended yet counterproductive + confidence-sabotaging effects these standards create in your life.
And I teach you to how to rewire your brain with confidence-boosting standards so you set yourself up for more fulfillment and willpower-independent success as a result.
+ Your Undermining Self-Talk When Things Go Different Than Expected
– your overly critical + non-stop running commentary in your mind
– your ruminating over mistakes or criticism
– your lack of compassion, understanding and encouragement for yourself
These reactions become LEARNED WIRING in your brain as well.
I teach you how to pinpoint exactly how these well-intended reflexes do more harm than good in your life.
I teach you how to create a new reflex, one that’s more compassionate, understanding and encouraging, so that you consistently build yourself up (instead of breaking yourself down).
I teach you effective ways to deal with that running critical commentary, so that it doesn’t run your life and your mood, but becomes merely some background noise.
Let’s ditch that old cocktail – it just doesn’t taste good anymore, right?
And let's create your own signature Confidence-Booster Cocktail, shall we?
We use that powerful brain of yours, but work on its confidence-sabotaging wiring + add some confidence-boosting standards and self-talk to the mix.
Shake it. Stir it. And enjoy it for years to come.
I work on application-base only.
Fill out the application below + I get back to you soon.